Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
