It's Friday. Sex?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize