I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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