You work out of a Hotel?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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