HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
