There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
