she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
