The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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