Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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