stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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