Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I stole a fireplace last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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