Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
