He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
