He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
