You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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