Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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