you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
