NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I could fuck to npr.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
