i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
