I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
