belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
