Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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