seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's shark week go big or go home
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
