so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
