CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
