Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
