Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
