she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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