Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
