after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
