Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
