So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
