Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
