sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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