Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
