I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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