My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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