I need to stop coming to work sober
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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