Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
