you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
