I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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