I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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