lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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