Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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