i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
