He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You made out with two different species that night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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