Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
