You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
