my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
