i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
