I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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