Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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