he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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