I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
