The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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