I didn't shave. On purpose
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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