About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
