I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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