dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
