my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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