is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
