I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
