flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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