yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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