There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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