dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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