She's JV to your varsity
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
