I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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