i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
