Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pants are for mortals
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize