He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
