It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
