Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
