Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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