I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ttyl tear gas
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We need to get me chipped asap
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
