i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
