Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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