all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
