I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
