Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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