Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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