i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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