They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
