Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
time to smoke my breakfast
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
