It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
