Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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